FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tuxedo and Tails Formalwear is proud to announce the arrival of the Hairless Collection, a line of eight formal garments crafted to give cats the appearance of a clean, tidy and entirely fur free figure.
“We have been asked one question more than any other,” said Sir Reginald Fluffington the Third, standing very still in front of a mirror. “The question is ‘Why is my suit covered in fur?’ The answer is ‘You are the fur.’ The Hairless Collection is our way of saying: we can help you pretend.”
What is in the collection
- The Smooth Operator: a satin waistcoat with a slippery finish, designed to repel hair
- The Clean Slate: a white dinner jacket that looks spotless until you sit down
- The Invisible Sleeve: a tight, sheer sleeve for dramatic arm gestures
- The Decoy: a decorative fur coat worn over the real fur, to confuse onlookers
- The Alibi: a plain blazer worn when you wish to say that the cushion shed on its own
Fabric technology
The collection uses a patented material called Slidetex, which Sir Reginald describes as “almost entirely not sticky.” Independent testing by our assistant Lady Marmalade found that Slidetex repelled 40 percent of fur and attracted the rest, at a speed that surprised the committee.
Customer response
“I wore the Clean Slate to a gala,” said Duchess Pudding, a loyal client. “For nearly four minutes I was spotless. Then I leaned on a chair and became a cloud.”
Availability
The Hairless Collection is on sale in the shop from today, subject to a short queue and the weather. Sizes run from small to enormous, with one size for each mood.
About Tuxedo and Tails Formalwear
We are a fictional boutique dressing cats for formal events they have not been invited to. Our motto is “Dress to impress, then shed on the furniture.” We do not make real clothes. If you need a real tailor, please consult a person with a measuring tape and no claws.
For media enquiries, please contact Lady Marmalade, who will respond when the light is right.