Fittings are a vital part of our service. They are also the part where our customers disappear. Below are the most frequently asked questions about the process, as asked by cats who have not yet run away.
Why do you need to measure me?
Because a garment that does not fit is not a garment. It is a bag with ambitions. We need your chest, your neck, your length and your tail, and we need them while you are standing still, which we know is a big ask.
Can I measure myself?
You may try, but the results are generally unreliable. A self measuring cat will often report a chest of forty centimetres and a tail of eight metres. We do not accept these figures, although we admire the confidence.
Why does the tape measure move?
It does not. You are moving. Please try to notice which of you is the one in motion.
What if I attack the tape measure?
This happens. We keep a spare tape for this purpose, and a robust one for the staff. If you wish to continue attacking the tape, we will measure your anger instead, in centimetres.
How long does a fitting take?
A standard fitting takes fifteen minutes. A fitting with a cat who has just seen the tape takes an hour and a half, and the first forty minutes are spent under the shelf.
Do I have to stand on the box?
Yes. The fitting box is raised so that our tailor, Monsieur Thread, can see everything at eye level. You may refuse to stand on it, in which case you will be fitted lying down and the garment will be shaped like a pancake.
Can I try on more than one outfit?
Of course. Most clients try on three, buy one, and sit in a fourth. We call this the Sofa Principle: the one you sit in is the one you will keep.
What if it does not fit afterwards?
Please return it for adjustments. Please do not adjust it yourself. Please do not adjust it with your teeth.
One last thing
Tuxedo and Tails Formalwear is a fictional atelier. The tape measure is imaginary, but the fear of it is real. If you have a real fitting, please be kind to your tailor, who has probably been bitten.